[ready_to_leave]

I spoke with my counselor yesterday about this incident. http://sflforums.com/showthread.php?tid=9559 She said it's normal after a traumatic experience to have my feelings and thoughts triggered, as in PTSD. I never thought of what I experienced in the IFB church as "traumatic" or having PTSD because of it. I think of PTSD affecting people who have been physically or mentally or sexually abused, or someone who was in an accident or witnessed something extremely traumatic. I didn't realize how much someone knocking on my door would affect me, to the point of triggering a flood of emotions that I didnt even realize were there.

[ThawingOut]

ready_to_leave, after reading this post, I went back and read about what happened with the door knocking incident! I am so sorry that happened! And also, I totally agree with what other members of the forum said - that it's a process before we can get to the point of brushing trigger-heavy stuff off with a laugh.

Your question about what is PTSD and what isn't is fascinating to me. If I understand what your counselor said correctly, she was saying simply that what you experienced in that "church" was traumatic for you, and thus, your reactions will sometimes look kind of like PTSD symptoms. For what it's worth, I think she has a good point. Whether or not you want to define the word "trauma" to include spiritual abuse or not could be a discussion, but it's certainly important to use strong words to apply to what you (and I) went through in past churches and spiritual communities! This stuff - and the long-term effects it has on us - is no joke!!!

As I think you know, I have experienced the life-threatening kind of trauma people usually think of when they here the word, but I've also experienced deep, spiritual-related pain that might be similar to what you experienced. And both of them are FOR REAL when they are triggered by something or someone! I remember having to leave during a teaching session John Piper was giving at a conference I attended a few years ago. I not only had to leave but I went off I cried for a long time. He triggered the heck out of me!

Hugs to you.

[ready_to_leave]

I've been doing some research on spiritual abuse since I wrote this post and I am currently reading a book called "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse ". It's been very eye opening! So much of what is talked about in the book perfectly describes my experience in the IFB church. I honestly never knew there was such a thing as spiritual abuse and it's pretty liberating to know that I'm not totally crazy and I'm not alone. What I experienced and what thousands of people have experienced is REAL!! Your blog is so inspiring to me, to see how you've overcome a horrific childhood and are now using your experience to help others. I was talking to my husband about the door knocking incident and he said he was surprised by my reaction. I mean I have a short temper but this was different and it even surprised me. I explained to him that it just triggered all kinds of emotions and thoughts and sent me back to a place and time I am trying to forget. I am pretty proud of myself though. Had this happened a year ago, I probably would have had a full blown anxiety attack and thrown up. I'm slowly making progress. For me, realizing that what I went through has a name and accepting and acknowledging it is a big step. I knew I was messed up, but I didn't really understand why. During the time that I was wanting to leave the church, that was also when our lives were imploding and we were going through one thing after another. The situation that led us to finally leave, was extremely difficult and ugly and took place during the same time period as several other horrific circumstances. I have been in counseling since last summer to try and heal from everything. I'm not ashamed to admit that I am a hot mess but I am getting better all the time.