[ready_to_leave]

I spoke with my counselor yesterday about this incident. http://sflforums.com/showthread.php?tid=9559 She said it's normal after a traumatic experience to have my feelings and thoughts triggered, as in PTSD. I never thought of what I experienced in the IFB church as "traumatic" or having PTSD because of it. I think of PTSD affecting people who have been physically or mentally or sexually abused, or someone who was in an accident or witnessed something extremely traumatic. I didn't realize how much someone knocking on my door would affect me, to the point of triggering a flood of emotions that I didnt even realize were there.

[ThawingOut]

ready_to_leave, after reading this post, I went back and read about what happened with the door knocking incident! I am so sorry that happened! And also, I totally agree with what other members of the forum said - that it's a process before we can get to the point of brushing trigger-heavy stuff off with a laugh.

Your question about what is PTSD and what isn't is fascinating to me. If I understand what your counselor said correctly, she was saying simply that what you experienced in that "church" was traumatic for you, and thus, your reactions will sometimes look kind of like PTSD symptoms. For what it's worth, I think she has a good point. Whether or not you want to define the word "trauma" to include spiritual abuse or not could be a discussion, but it's certainly important to use strong words to apply to what you (and I) went through in past churches and spiritual communities! This stuff - and the long-term effects it has on us - is no joke!!!

As I think you know, I have experienced the life-threatening kind of trauma people usually think of when they here the word, but I've also experienced deep, spiritual-related pain that might be similar to what you experienced. And both of them are FOR REAL when they are triggered by something or someone! I remember having to leave during a teaching session John Piper was giving at a conference I attended a few years ago. I not only had to leave but I went off I cried for a long time. He triggered the heck out of me!

Hugs to you.

[ready_to_leave]

I've been doing some research on spiritual abuse since I wrote this post and I am currently reading a book called "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse ". It's been very eye opening! So much of what is talked about in the book perfectly describes my experience in the IFB church. I honestly never knew there was such a thing as spiritual abuse and it's pretty liberating to know that I'm not totally crazy and I'm not alone. What I experienced and what thousands of people have experienced is REAL!! Your blog is so inspiring to me, to see how you've overcome a horrific childhood and are now using your experience to help others. I was talking to my husband about the door knocking incident and he said he was surprised by my reaction. I mean I have a short temper but this was different and it even surprised me. I explained to him that it just triggered all kinds of emotions and thoughts and sent me back to a place and time I am trying to forget. I am pretty proud of myself though. Had this happened a year ago, I probably would have had a full blown anxiety attack and thrown up. I'm slowly making progress. For me, realizing that what I went through has a name and accepting and acknowledging it is a big step. I knew I was messed up, but I didn't really understand why. During the time that I was wanting to leave the church, that was also when our lives were imploding and we were going through one thing after another. The situation that led us to finally leave, was extremely difficult and ugly and took place during the same time period as several other horrific circumstances. I have been in counseling since last summer to try and heal from everything. I'm not ashamed to admit that I am a hot mess but I am getting better all the time.

[Woke Up]

I've mentally considered seeing a counselor for my IFB healing, but seriously, I have no idea who I would go to.
I have a good friend who does counseling, so that is out of the question. We're friends. I can talk to her any day anyhow. I would never want my issues to come between our friendship, plus she would have no idea where I'm coming from.

I know absolutely no one out in my real world who could counsel me.

I certainly would never go to any of the MOG from my past and the actual Pastors that I know now wouldn't really know how to help because we aren't in the IFB. They would be Southern Baptist and it's a completely different mind set now.

My husband at time thinks I'm nuts when I start on a weird topic about the Bible or something from my past. He was not raised in the IFB, nor any church for that matter, so it's foreign to him.

I'm his rock. When I question the Bible it bothers him. He respects me. So for me to have emotional or mental questions about religion just throws him off.

I'm screwed for now. I suppose all I have is this site.

Thanks for being there.

[Dr. Jezebel]

(11-24-2017, 11:24 PM)Woke Up Wrote: I've mentally considered seeing a counselor for my IFB healing, but seriously, I have no idea who I would go to.
I have a good friend who does counseling, so that is out of the question. We're friends. I can talk to her any day anyhow. I would never want my issues to come between our friendship, plus she would have no idea where I'm coming from.

I know absolutely no one out in my real world who could counsel me.

I certainly would never go to any of the MOG from my past and the actual Pastors that I know now wouldn't really know how to help because we aren't in the IFB. They would be Southern Baptist and it's a completely different mind set now.

My husband at  time thinks I'm nuts when I start on a weird topic about the Bible or something from my past. He was not raised in the IFB, nor any church for that matter, so it's foreign to him.

I'm his rock. When I question the Bible it bothers him. He respects me. So for me to have emotional or mental questions about religion just throws him off.

I'm screwed for now. I suppose all I have is this site.

Thanks for being there.

One of my FB friends is Brian Peck, a former Fundy turned counselor. His focus is helping people heal from spiritual abuse, and he has a network of likeminded counselors & therapists across the country that he can put you in touch with. 

They all have been where we have. They get it. 

Here's his business page on FB. You can message him, and he can put you in touch with someone in your area.

https://www.facebook.com/RoomToThrive/

[pastor's wife]

Dr. Jez, that's awesome! Thanks for the recommendation. People who weren't in it don't have even the tiniest inkling of understanding of what it was like. I remember reading an exchange once where someone said we couldn't go to movies and the reply was, "Yeah, my mom wouldn't let me go to that movie either." "No, we couldn't go to movies AT ALL." "Yeah, my mom always made my older sister go with us; she didn't trust us to go by ourselves." "NO! We couldn't go to a movie. At all. Ever." it's like they just couldn't wrap their brains around the concept. Or they think their parents being concerned about how low-cut their prom dress was is equivalent to our having to wear culottes everywhere we went. And NOT going to prom. Not going to any dances ever. Not attending any weddings where dancing might occur. Not going to public school. And on and on. They just don't get it.

This place was a WONDERFUL place to explore that. If you ever read the archives, it may be encouraging. There are still a few of us around here!

[Dr. Jezebel]

PW, when I talk to my teens or boyfriend about what it was like for me as an IFB teen, I get stares.

It just doesn't compute.

[Woke Up]

I can relate to the above 2 posts.

My kids and husband have no clue what I'm getting at either.

Blank stares. Mom is a little looney. Hmmm...Maybe its her time of the month. LOL

Yeah. I understand.

[leo the lamb]

I've shared a little about my childhood with co-workers, and I think they at least got an idea of where I was coming from. The late-50s dude grew up Nazarene and remembers weird rules, but more as quirky details from another time than things that affected him long-term (he does tend to stay on the surface a lot, though). The gay woman about my age comes from a Catholic background, but she apparently figured things out for herself in a healthy and relatively timely way and had at least one supportive priest. When I told her about "the more you suffer/are unhappy, the more God accepts you", she was surprised but seemed to get it, if only as the inverse of her childhood's "if you are happy, you are on the right path" (which caused her confusion as she came to terms with being gay).

[Papa Bear]

(11-25-2017, 11:33 AM)pastor Wrote: Dr. Jez, that's awesome!  Thanks for the recommendation.  People who weren't in it don't have even the tiniest inkling of understanding of what it was like.  I remember reading an exchange once where someone said we couldn't go to movies and the reply was, "Yeah, my  mom wouldn't let me go to that movie either."  "No, we couldn't go to movies AT ALL."  "Yeah, my mom always made my older sister go with us; she didn't trust us to go by ourselves."  "NO!  We couldn't go to a movie.  At all.  Ever."  it's like they just couldn't wrap their brains around the concept.  Or they think their parents being concerned about how low-cut their prom dress was is equivalent to our having to wear culottes everywhere we went.  And NOT going to prom.  Not going to any dances ever.  Not attending any weddings where dancing might occur.  Not going to public school.  And on and on.  They just don't get it.

This place was a WONDERFUL place to explore that.  If you ever read the archives, it may be encouraging.  There are still a few of us around here!  

^^^^^^^^
THIS!!!