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Family refusing to attend wedding of divorced person - Rulebreaker - 09-06-2017

I'm going to make this more simple:
Some family members are boycotting another family member's wedding Bc the guy is divorced. They don't believe in divorce and think their attendance would be condoning marrying a divorced person. I think it's stupid. The end.


RE: Refusing to attend a wedding? (Vent included) - rtgmath - 09-06-2017

Go. If you are lucky, they will excommunicate you too, and leave you in peace to make your own lives.

I'm being honest here. My parents disowned me at some point, and while I was distressed then, it turned out to be a blessing. I wasn't tied to them any longer. I didn't have to try to please them. I could just take care of my own family.

Yes, I still love my lost family. But it was a codependency relationship. We were religious, but dysfunctional. And I couldn't begin to understand my own beliefs while I was always thinking about them or trying to conform to expectations.

My older sister stood up for me against the brutal (and false) accusations of my family, and they disowned her, too. But we have emotionally supported each other.

Your husband's cousin needs the support. They might turn out to be the best support you could have as well. Don't let the "family" force you to participate in tearing down good people.


RE: Refusing to attend a wedding? (Vent included) - Workin' Mama - 09-06-2017

I can't really say what you should do because I'm not in your shoes. If it were me, I would attend the wedding, just to openly show your support (and vicariously, your husband's support since he cannot be there). I know that when I got married, it meant a lot to me that various people went out of there way to be there on my special day, and the kind cards and gifts that my husband and I received. I can only imagine how hurtful it probably is to your husband's relative that various family members are boycotting her wedding. It might mean a lot to her if you attended, even if she doesn't verbalize it. On the other hand, you could get a lot of flack from your in-laws.


RE: Refusing to attend a wedding? (Vent included) - Natalie - 09-06-2017

I could vent endlessly about how I feel about Christians not associating with someone they disagree with, and about families putting religion above family. It all comes down to pride, and they don't even see it. 

What right does anyone have to snub their noses at someone else for some "sin"? It's the most ridiculous thing.


Family refusing to attend wedding of divorced person - Rulebreaker - 09-06-2017

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Refusing to attend a wedding? (Vent included) - Rulebreaker - 09-06-2017

100% agree Natalie!!



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RE: Refusing to attend a wedding? (Vent included) - James33 - 09-07-2017

(09-06-2017, 10:29 PM)Rulebreaker Wrote: Sorry in advance this may be wordy.

Short question: what do you think about people refusing to attend the wedding of a family member because they disagree with a choice of spouse?

Details & vent: So my husband grew up Brethren. If you're not familiar, think Mennonite. In some ways he was more sheltered than me, and in other ways not. He left the church before meeting me (hurray- MIL can't blame me!) but all of his immediate family is still very brethren.

Anyway- his cousin who isn't in the church anymore is getting married. But her fiancé is divorced and has one child. Well divorce is a HUGE no-no to brethren people. Way more than fundies- at least the ones I grew up around. Divorce is not permitted unless you are cheated on. And even in that case, as long as your former spouse is alive you are not permitted to remarry. However if your spouse dies, you're free as a bird. Doesn't make sense to me but whatever.

So it's a big debate in the family whether people are going to attend this wedding or not. Supposedly even her parents aren't going and I just think that's incredibly sad. My SIL, MIL, &FIL are not going and keep asking us over and over if we are. My MIL keeps telling my husband, "I don't think you should go..." To be truthful, my husband has plans that day he can't get out of, but I'm seriously considering going by myself just to be better than this behavior. I'm not even close to her and have only met this guy once. But this kind of stuff is what irritates me in "Christianity".

I don't personally have a problem with divorced people remarrying. That's between them and God. What I DO have a problem with it pompous "Christians" getting on their high horses and instead of loving and supporting their family, looking down their self-righteous noses at them before turning their backs. Do they go interrogating every bride and groom about their potential sins before attending their wedding? Oh no? Just divorce? Hmmm. What do they think this shunning accomplishes?

This is some of the exact kind of behavior -this "be like me or I can't associate with you/you're not a good Christian"- that shook me out of fundamentalism and almost out of my faith in God completely.




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No offense but the wedding is about you two. I understand but in the end of the day if they don't attend, who cares. 

Sorry but I rather have people that like us for who we are.


RE: Refusing to attend a wedding? (Vent included) - James33 - 09-07-2017

(09-06-2017, 10:29 PM)Rulebreaker Wrote: Sorry in advance this may be wordy.

Short question: what do you think about people refusing to attend the wedding of a family member because they disagree with a choice of spouse?

Details & vent: So my husband grew up Brethren. If you're not familiar, think Mennonite. In some ways he was more sheltered than me, and in other ways not. He left the church before meeting me (hurray- MIL can't blame me!) but all of his immediate family is still very brethren.

Anyway- his cousin who isn't in the church anymore is getting married. But her fiancé is divorced and has one child. Well divorce is a HUGE no-no to brethren people. Way more than fundies- at least the ones I grew up around. Divorce is not permitted unless you are cheated on. And even in that case, as long as your former spouse is alive you are not permitted to remarry. However if your spouse dies, you're free as a bird. Doesn't make sense to me but whatever.

So it's a big debate in the family whether people are going to attend this wedding or not. Supposedly even her parents aren't going and I just think that's incredibly sad. My SIL, MIL, &FIL are not going and keep asking us over and over if we are. My MIL keeps telling my husband, "I don't think you should go..." To be truthful, my husband has plans that day he can't get out of, but I'm seriously considering going by myself just to be better than this behavior. I'm not even close to her and have only met this guy once. But this kind of stuff is what irritates me in "Christianity".

I don't personally have a problem with divorced people remarrying. That's between them and God. What I DO have a problem with it pompous "Christians" getting on their high horses and instead of loving and supporting their family, looking down their self-righteous noses at them before turning their backs. Do they go interrogating every bride and groom about their potential sins before attending their wedding? Oh no? Just divorce? Hmmm. What do they think this shunning accomplishes?

This is some of the exact kind of behavior -this "be like me or I can't associate with you/you're not a good Christian"- that shook me out of fundamentalism and almost out of my faith in God completely.




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No offense but the wedding is about you two. I understand but in the end of the day if they don't attend, who cares. 

Sorry but I rather have people that like us for who we are.


Refusing to attend a wedding? (Vent included) - Rulebreaker - 09-07-2017

It's not my wedding... I just think it's ridiculous family is actually refusing to attend Bc the guy was divorced.


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RE: Family refusing to attend wedding of divorced person - myotch - 09-07-2017

If one didn't want to attend, one shouldn't make a show of it, no matter one's reason. Simple manners. It's still somebody's happy day, even if you can't be happy for them.

There are some unions I wouldn't attend. One I flat refused to participate in - it was a re-marriage of a serial divorcee, but my real reason for not participating was the overtly manipulative manner with which one attempted to corner me into doing it. But I was apologetic rather than hostile, but I was firm and unwavering.

Going past weddings, there's some things even in my immediate family which I will not humor in any way that would be misconstrued as giving my blessing. But I certainly will not try to damper anyone's, say, celebration over it.